I've never blogged and I'm not sure if this will ever be of interest to anyone. It be be a bit about me but more about my old black dog (aka clinical depression). If it gives just one person an insight into what it's like to be clinically depressed and how that can affect others, that would be fantastic (I live in hope!).
I think that a record of my journey will also allow me to see my progress - which is difficult when you are at the centre of things.
I'd been diagnosed with depression before, back in the 90's not long after leaving the Army. It wasn't PTSD, but a reaction to not being able to get a job and being told that we weren't able to have children.
I guess that took away my purpose in life. I remember taking my dog for a walk one night - it was winter, frosty and you could see the stars. I sat down on a bench and contemplated the world. I thought that if I weren't here, then my wife would get the life assurance paid and this would give her the house and a bit money to start again.
That's when, fortunately, I thought that even though I was thinking things through logically - I wasn't thinking things through rationally.
Off to the doctor for me and after about 6 months on Prozac and becoming a volunteer driver for the local community bus, I was back on my feet again.
Prozac was great! I lost weight and not only did it give me a break from the darkness inside, it also started to make me feel good!
I'll end here, because even thought this was the first diagnosed episode, I think that depression has been part of my character for ages. I need to think about this and how best to present it without sounding maudlin.